Time..

I remember as a child when my grandpa died.. it was the first death I could comprehend and it crushed me. I cried and I wasn't sure what to do with my emotions. My mom comforted me and she said the words her mother told her "With Time This Too Shall Pass", basically she was stating that this hurt will pass and you will be ok. I remember my first love and breaking up- thought the world was going to end.. the words were spoke again. I hated those words..
But I am learning what those words mean as an adult.. with time everything passes. One year ago today I was celebrating in Katy our At Home Reception with our families and friends..seems like an eternity ago. 

Our wedding and reception were a blimp on the radar in the scheme of life..We didn't even know what the next year held for us.. the ups and downs of life.
On month ago at this very time I was sitting in an emergency room hearing from a Doctor that I was never pregnant and that all the pregnancy tests were false negatives. I was hurting physically and mentally..a pain one can't comprehend unless they have been there. One month ago my OB confirmed I had lost our second child to an early miscarriage.
Now Today I sit here and it feels like the memories of the ER are so far away.. not a blimp yet but distant.. yet the loss is still there. It will always be on our hearts. Whether you have a child living or not once you are pregnant you instantly become a mother and attached to that child.

Today I sit here knowing that my body is healing.. preparing for it's future journey- whether that be a child or not and I am hopeful. Hopeful much like I was on my wedding night on our journey of life together. Hopeful that the future holds beautiful things for us. Hopeful that Gods plan is one that we can endure.. because losing one pregnancy is hard, but losing two is damn right scary! Nate and I are both unsure if we can go thru another miscarriage (the emotional side is just so disheartening).. but we are hopeful.

Hopeful is the word .. hopeful our journey will be beautiful.. even if it means we have to endure the chaos to get to the sunshine...

So pray.. pray our journey ends in sunshine and beautiful things.. whether that be that we bear children or not.. I know God's plan is our plan..

It's amazing what a little time will do isn't it? This too shall pass.. in time..

Until than I'll be waiting..

Do it for me.. if not for me the other mothers out there..

I am sure you are tired of reading about my sadness over my loss of my baby. So I won't make you  read about it again..
Instead I ask that you read the words presented by Beth Fletcher on Life Rearranged and the woman she has guest write. Each week she presents a new woman's view on her own miscarriage or infant mortality. This website has provided me with hope and I know it continues to help other woman with the similar experiences. So please go and read Life Rearranged and help the foundation 'Lay me down to sleep'. I am not asking you to donate a ton of money.. if each of us donates a dollar than we are helping more than we know! So if you won't do it for me, do it for yourself or other mothers you know who have lost their child. I greatly appreciate it.

http://liferearranged.com/2011/03/presence-beth-fletcher-infant-lossmiscarriage/

Her words really are lovely:
The words that these women have shared are so beautiful.
And I love how there is always hope. There is always beauty. In the ugly.

Because God designs it that way.

It doesn’t always make sense. It doesn’t always seem fair.

But being changed for the better is so often the result, no?



We see the world through a different, more beautifully breathtaking lens.




In conjunction with this infant loss/miscarriage series, we are running a fundraiser benefitting the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation.




Sometimes it is hard to find the beauty in the ugly.. but I can say that I hope one day I may say that I have been changed for the better.

Changes for a good cause

Natural Nails

Brunette

You are probably looking at the photos above and wondering why?? Well since I was 16 years old I have had solar nails (fake) and I loved em. I loved going to the salon. I loved getting pampered and I loved that they always looked nice. Also since I was a freshman in highschool I have been coloring my hair.. I am not really sure what my natural hair color would be today. I was born strawberry blonde and it turned to a sandy blonde in my teens but than I started coloring it.

Well recently Nate and I decided we were going to start trying for a baby. So I got some advice from Nate's sister, my ob and other friends. The verdict was no more fake nails and no more hair coloring. These things were advised not a have obviously. But with having a misscarriage once already I didn't want to risk anything. I felt like if I lost a baby again I might play the what if game again.. So I felt better safe than sorry.

On Valentine's Day I divorced my fake nails. I loved them but they had to go for the love of something larger than them.. a baby! I spent two hours at the salon soaking them off  and getting my paper thin nails painted. The first day was miserable for my fingers. Everything that touched the tips or my nails hurt because they were so sensitive- you have to remember they have been covered up by fake nails for like 12 years now. But I am adjusting and I am hoping the prenatal pill will not only help them grow faster (which they already are) but stronger too.

Than two days later I went to see my stylist Diana. I told her what was going on. She took me from a sandy light blonde to BRUNETTE. She did do a little bit of blonde highlights which I might keep up once I am preggo. Not sure yet. The brown was a little dramatic for me.. but it is growing on me. My hair doesn't hold color well so I know after a couple washes it will lighten up. Which in it's light brown form it will prolly be closer to my hair color. Nate really likes all the change- he said he got a new wife...lol. I have always been blonde in our relationship. But my students didn't like the change as much.. they were in shock! These were big changes for me too.. not just my kids. I think I am adjusting well but I will miss my summer blonde locks and perfect southern french manicure nails.. guess after the baby is born I can always go right back.

PS why do I still have a double chin in every picture.. UGH!  Also I am picking up the double long dresser tonight and the bed for the guest room!! Tomorrow I am picking up paint for the 1/2 bath downstairs (from green to rain blue) and paint for the dressers!! Wohoo DIY weekend.

Update on Past, Present & Future List

The list below is the list that I presented in my past posts. So I wanted to update everyone on it.

First off I am realistic in the fact that I want a house that is comfortable and liveable..I want kids to be able to play in every room and my house be truely enjoyed.. but with that said I won't be able to afford to make any major changes after a baby comes so we have a list!!



The list is as follows:


1. Pay off all credit cards & Tricia to finish Masters in Education (Feb. 2012) Debt is paid down & still enrolled in program to graduate in feb. 2012


2. Hold only one car note (the toyota is almost paid off so we are trading in the mazda for an SUV). Toyota has a couple more car payments and we traded in Mazda for a new Santa Fe Limited SUV which we drove to St. Louis at Xmas and Love.


3. Take a great vacation before .. you know it won't happen after! We just booked our first wedding anniversary trip to Belize, Costa Maya and Isle Roatan!!!


We have two extra rooms upstairs.. one is a guest room and the other is being habitated by the cats (litter boxes) and all nate's books for his business. So you'll understand the next lists.


4.Move Plywood from garage (whole stack) planning on doing this around spring break


5. Move bookshelves from 3rd bedroom to garage  planning on doing this around spring break




6. New light fixture in 3rd bedroom -fan motor is dead and a fan is a must in houston! planning on doing this around spring break




7. Paint 3rd bedroom planning on doing this around spring break




8. Install closet doors in 3rd bedroom. Currently closet has no doors I hung a rod with curtains and litter boxes are behind. planning on doing this around spring break




9. Install Kitty door to garage and move kitty boxes out there.. planning on doing this around spring break




10. Regrout tile in guest bath and master


11. Add tile to guest bath - it is wood..umm not practical with kiddos


12. Install Bamboo Roman Shades on all windows in great room to replace verticals (4 windows at 72 inches and a huge bay window) already priced and saving  Check See previous Posts


13. Hang burlap curtains in great room-DIY project to look like Pottery Barn! Check See previous Posts




14. New Dining room table that is all wood and can be used daily(we're working on it) Check


15. Add Chairs to dining room set and Oversized floor mirror to reflect light from french doors in dining room We decided to wait on the chairs, but we did add a new PB rug and a bar cart from Nate's Mom so no more large mirror!


16. To install safty latches on top of all french doors that lead to pool


17. To install safety net on pool(we cant do a fence because pool is immediately out of the doors.. not enough pool deck)


Since we have no playspace and our two guestrooms are on the small side we need a room that doubles as living space plus play room and if needed a second guest room since we're losing one for a babino(we're talking next 3 years here).. currently in our great room there is a living room, formal living room and dining room.. off of it is nate's office sperated by french doors and the kitchen.. The formal living room is not used at all.. It has a pool table in it.. I let my hubby have it. As he says the kids are taking it away.


19. Move pool table to the garage.


20. Add a sleeper sofa in tan linen to formal living room, shelves with wicker baskets to conceal their mess and a wicker trunk to conceal toys and double as coffee table..




 We are planning on working on our third bedroom that is suppose to be the nursery over spring break but the rest of the projects will probably be waiting till the summer.  I have also added to the list finding a dresser on craigslist for the nursery that is white or that I will refinish white and also a dresser for our master bedroom. The search is on and I think I might have a lead on one! I am also refinishing the cabinets in our 1/2 bath downstairs  black and painting the walls blue in hopes it will make it more beachy feel.. we'll see how it turns out this weekend. I already purchased a small tall lamp for the bathroom to help it feel brighter since it is so small and there is no window.  The list is always growing and keeping up on it takes alot of time.. which with teaching and being in my Master's Program leaves none.. when I have down time I seem to do nothing.

Here's our progress.. feel like we have gotten somewhere!

Bamboo Roman Shades- Project #5

Living room during the day-side view

 Pool Table room during Day with large window &  bay window

 The same rooms at night.. gives you better idea of texture of blinds.

 Excuse my hubby's mess on the pool table.. he thinks it is his dumping ground for all things tennis/gym

When we bought this house the downstairs had ugly 80's vertical blinds. Which as hideous as they are they keep alot of the heat out from the sun in the summer.. but they also darken the room a ton. Our living space downstairs is all open, the only seperating spaces is the french doors that close nate's office and our double sided fireplace in the middle of the room. I hated them. I dispised them. But I couldn't do anything about it because it wasn't in the budget after the hurricane damage and if I redid blinds in the living room I would have to do it in our formal living room known as the pool table room also. Luckily the french doors in the dining room going to the pool I decided to keep naked and save $$.

Since we are finally getting to the point where there aren't any major projects such as repairing the roof from a tree during the hurricane. I have had time to find blinds I loved and I could save for. The issue was we have 3 very large not average size windows in the living rooms and than two small ones in the bay. So I had to buy custom.. which can be PRICEY! After late night searches online I finally found my blinds..but I kept debating between dark wood like we had upstairs and in nate's office or light with dark accents. I decided on light wood to light the dark wood furniture. The blinds were shipped to the house and sat for a week before I finally convienced Nate and his bromance Jon to put up the curtains. 

Saturday we did St. Arnolds Pub Crawl with Jon, Alice, Nyomi, Paul, Justin, Jennifer and Gil! It was a great time. We than went back to our place and grilled out and Jon offered to help Nate on Sunday! Wohoo!! Jon is in construction and is a perfectionist so I knew Nate and him would hange the blinds perfectly and in one day..where as if it were Nate and I it would take forever.  Sunday came and passed and the boys took down the verticals and hung my beautiful bamboo roman shades. I have posted pictures of them in the day and at night so you can see them. I love the filtered light they allow in the room now. They add some privacy but you can see outlines of people in the rooms at night.. hence why they are downstairs. But we also have them in our rooms and I just draw the curtains. I love them and they remind me of my honeymoon in a tropical destination. I love the natural look  and hope you do too!!

Valentines in the E Casa

Well it's been super busy around the Embley casa. Like usual we have been teaching, I have been in my masters program, and we have been doing things around the house and enjoying our friends. I have made a ton of project lists and have only completed a couple of them..lol. But I found beautiful vintage shutters to display on my new mantel I ordered recently. So that is exciting. I will post pics of the shutters painted aqua with my special personalized subway art soon(hint-it is beachy with our wedding date)!!  But the cottage/vintage/traditional look is coming togeather and the great thing is it is all very versatile. On to other news...We recently planned a little trip to New Orleans to celebrate Julie's 30th in April. We also are planning our second honeymoon (baby moon) last vacay with out kids for July..but we are waiting for my check for my stipend from school. It got lost in the mail in December and they just voided and recut the check Feb. 1st. So now I hope this one will make it here. We are going to have our babymoon and put a little nest egg of $$$ away for baby/mommy..lol It will be for maternity leave etc.  Also great news!!!  We closed again on the house and everything went just as planned!! Hooray!

Feb. is in full swing. I can't believe Valentines is right around the corner! Well when I was growing up my mom always decorated for the major holidays- halloween, thanksgiving, christmas, and easter. She did small things for us for the smaller holidays such as valentines. But she wasn't into decorating for the small holidays as much. Now that Nate & I have our own house I like to change the decor up with the holidays and seasons. Nate really enjoys the winter seasons such as thanksgiving and christmas because we go home to see family and we have a break from work.  These are my favorite holidays too.. so I gravitate towards their decor and I forget about the other holidays!! Oopps. I have a TON of christmas decor..I have started a great collection on my fall decor.. and today after getting the PB catalog I got a jump start on my easter and St. Patty's day decor. More of that later.

The great thing about the main great room is that now all the main items are neutrals. The couch and arm chair are a chocolate brown. Area rug is a cream that matches the burlap/linen colored drapes and walls.  So it is super easy to just add a few things to give pops of color for seasons. It also makes it easy for the house  to feel not so drab in the winter months which I hate.

So I started to pull out my valentines decor and noticed it is basically non exsistant. I know I need to work on it. I have vowed to do better next year because I want to be the mom that my kids remember certain holidays because I made it awesome. My mom used to have us build scarecrows in Oct. and I loved it!! She also had a christmas village we put up every christmas and helped with the tree. I love these holidays because she involved us and made it special.. so I need to do better with the little holidays too.

I have a few vday pieces. I have a heart door mat I bought at target the very first valentines Nate & I were together. I recently purchased a new door hanger for vday because some how in the move I can't find my old one. I found my little heart rose wreath and than I bought an XoXo glitter sign to put on the entry way when you walk in. Than I pulled out my vday pillow I have had and another love pillow. Lastly on our coffee table is red candles and a heart candy dish full of pink, red and silver dove chocolates. The pics are below.

I have to say my favorite this season has to be my chalkboard. I layered the wreath over it and than wrote love scripture on the board. Verses are listed below:

My lover is mine and I am his. Song of Solomon 2:16
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is more delightful than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2
Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it is not rude. Love rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always preserves. Love Never Fails  1 Corinthians 13
I obviously had to shorten the corinthians verse due to lack of space on the chalk board.. but it is a classic and I wanted to put it on there.
My absolute favorite is his kisses are more delightful than wine.. perfect for a wine lover like me to write!!
Well hope you enjoyed! I loved following the Valentines Mantel linky on the blogs I follow. I love seeing how creative others are. Hopefully next year I will be the same ;)

 Front Door with Vday Decor (DIY frosted glass I did) & Mat

Entry Way- Chalkboard, Rose Heart wreath & XoXo

 All my Luv Scriptures I chose to write on the chalkboard

Above- Hugs & Kisses pillow  Below- Hand Stamped Love pillow


















Happy Valentines Day!!

The Big Day!! Closing Day- Project #3

Our Lovely Suburban Cottage In January!

 Today is HUGE!! We finally finished the refinance process and we are closing again on our house! I am soo excited. This whole process started in October. They had a appraiser come out and appraise our house (luckily it is worth more than we paid for it- which is great in this market) but the appraiser said there was water damage on the molding under our bay window and on three pieces of siding. Most likely still left over from the stupid hurricane!!!

 After christmas break I called the contractor about replacing the siding. We were in a jam to get the siding repaired, appraiser back out, pass inspection and close by Jan 31st so our taxes would be paid on time.  Nate and his buddies replaced the modling under the bay window during break and I painted it. But the siding intimated Nate since he had never done it. I remember watching my dad repair some so I felt we could. Well after the call to the contractor and the shocking price of 800 bucks..we decided time to knock it out ourselves. But the problem was we have what almost looks like a dormer window (one of the front bedroom windows pocks out more) in the second story where the roof and siding meet it is pitched. So Nate was concerned with the angles. The whole first story is brick. I recalled that Home Depot cuts wood and thought they would cut siding too. We go to two stores before we find one that has the siding and saw that is working. The guy said he really shouldn't cut hardiplank because it is basically concrete and could get in trouble. But the pieces wouldn't fit in our SUV unless cut down and I think he saw my expression and felt a tinge.. He said 'well I am the manager I can't get in much trouble I can do the straight cuts for ya!' Wohoo. So we got the siding but by this time it is dark! The next day we spent the evening cutting them and putting them up. The third night painting them. Nate and I were so proud that we did ourselves, saved money and did it in 30 degree weather. Oh and the total for the whole repair of molding on bay window $64.00 (molding, liquid nails, caulking, nails and paint) plus the siding was $65.00 (paint, nails, saw blade to cut concrete, and siding). I feel like we came out on top here..heheh!

Pic of the siding we repaired!! Sorry a little dark

The  last step was the appraiser came back out and we passed!!! So now onto closing before Jan. 31 when our taxes are due.

So today I will leave work early and sign the contract to close on our house again. Which means taxes paid on time..wohoo!! Also, if you read in my previous post- I am very emotionally attached to this house. I am very excited to be closing again. The best part about this is- this time the house is move in ready! Oh and my stuff is already there!! Score- no more painting and unpacking! Instead I just have to organize all my crap now instead. And this time we don't have to ripe up flooring, install new flooring, rip up sub flooring, install new toilets and subflooring, paint every surface, survive a hurricane, rebuild after the hurricane, drain and acid wash the pool, instal pool equiptment, refinish the gazebo, redo all the backyard landscaping, and install all the lighting in the house! I feel like this time we are really coming out on top! Thanks to the previous owners.. oh that is us!! Needless to say, at moments my husband gets frustrated with the projects we do on this house and says I can't beleive we ever bought this house. But really in the end it was a great investment. We bought at the low and got a bargain for it. Even with all the money we put into it we are still coming out wining here! So I am happy to say I feel that 'We are finally home'.

Our house will prolly never look like a PB catalog as much as I would love it too. But it is our house and to me it holds great memories. I love our house and I can't wait for all the new memories we will have in it. So let's raise our glasses to my house!

The history, the present and the future..

Get your coffee ready.. I have alot to say today!!

So if  you know Nate and I's history you know we have been togeather now 5 years.. It is amazing to think now five years.. can't wait to say 25! We're newly weds in our first home and it was a foreclosure that needed a ton of TLC and just when the house was getting to the point of finished.. our home was damaged by Hurricane Ike. After Ike we saved  what we could and charged all other expenses for the house to get it back to  code.. hole in the roof, leaks, mold damage, walls ruined, fences down.. you get the picture. So now our house is back to the norm we are still paying off some of Ike's damage..don't get me started on insurance companies and what they cover!

While all this was going on I was working in accounting and going back to school for a degree in accounting. My undergrad is Psychology. I love behavior science and working with children. While in school and working fulltime we planned our Hawaiian Wedding! In this whole transition I figured out I should have listened to my hubby and my heart after undergrad and should have become a teacher. I nannied thru out college and loved it.. but the business world intrigued me.. I took a job at a small company. When I first started there I was under a different boss and I loved it. He left and I soon got  a different boss life soon changed there after.. the stress, the hours of work, depression and hating going to work each day got me on the kick to dig deep on what my career should look like.  I can honestly say my mom did a great job at raising me knowing the foundations of life- Family, God and Love.. and I felt my career as well as my life should reflect that. I decided I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to make a difference..so when I meet my maker I can honestly say I used all the talent you gave me to the best I could.  I took the test to be certified for elementary education..passed and took my current position a month before school started!!



Nate and I both are teachers now.. we're not rich in money.. but our lives are rich in everything else! We both are now so content in our careers that it has a huge impact on our relationship! We both truely enjoy waking up and going to work and we love to share with each other the experiences with our students. No day is the same..  but with all the good there is always bad. My students are reading Esperanza Rising right now and a great literal saying in there book is "There is no Rose with out thorns" well it is in spanish but you get the picture.  Nate and I have experienced many thorns in our relationship- the loss of a father, my mom being diagnosed with cancer (and she kicked it's ass), me struggling to finish school due to financial reasons, buying a house pouring our savings, sweat and love in to it and it being destroyed by a hurricane, lossing family members and one month before our wedding having one of our friends child's drown in a pool..I found him and Nate and friends administered CPR.. we have had the thorns and made it.  Last month was prolly the worst thorn month I have experienced in a long time. I am dealing with my loss daily and it has molded me..

The experience of last month has really shown Nate and I what we want for a home, a family and life. We openly talk about these things and it has really helped me move on from my  ( I should say our) experience. So we have started making a list of things that need to happen before kids. I know everyone says you can't plan kids.. but we're planners so we are going to try ;).



First off I am realistic in the fact that I want a house that is comfortable and liveable..I want kids to be able to play in every room and my house be truely enjoyed.. but with that said I won't be able to afford to make any major changes after a baby comes so we have a list!!
The list is as follows:
1. Pay off all credit cards & Tricia to finish Masters in Education (Feb. 2012)
2. Hold only one car note (the toyota is almost paid off so we are trading in the mazda for an SUV).
3. Take a great vacation before .. you know it won't happen after!
We have two extra rooms upstairs.. one is a guest room and the other is being habitated by the cats (litter boxes) and all nate's books for his business. So you'll understand the next lists.
4.Move Plywood from garage (whole stack)
5. Move bookshelves from 3rd bedroom to garage
6. New light fixture in 3rd bedroom -fan motor is dead and a fan is a must in houston!
7. Paint 3rd bedroom
8. Install closet doors in 3rd bedroom. Currently closet has no doors I hung a rod with curtains and litter boxes are behind.
9. Install Kitty door to garage and move kitty boxes out there..
10. Regrout tile in guest bath and master
11. Add tile to guest bath - it is wood..umm not practical with kiddos
12. Install Bamboo Roman Shades on all windows in great room to replace verticals  (4 windows at 72 inches and a huge bay window) already priced and saving
13. Hang burlap curtains in great room-DIY project to look like Pottery Barn!
14. New Dining room table  that is all wood and can be used daily(we're working on it)
15. Add Chairs to dining room set and Oversized floor mirror to reflect light from french doors in dining room
16. To install safty latches on top of all french doors that lead to pool
17. To install safety net on pool(we cant do a fence because pool is immediately out of the doors.. not enough pool deck)
Since we have no playspace and our two guestrooms are on the small side we need a room that doubles as living space plus play room  and if needed a second guest room since we're losing one for a babino(we're talking next 3 years here).. currently in our great room there is a living room, formal living room and dining room.. off of it is nate's office sperated by french doors and the kitchen.. The formal living room is not used at all.. It has a pool table in it.. I let my hubby have it. As he says the kids are taking it away.
19. Move pool table to the garage.
20. Add a sleeper sofa in tan linen to formal living room, shelves with wicker baskets to conceal their mess and a wicker trunk to conceal toys and double as coffee table..

There you have it I have made the list..Alot of the list involves updating the house to kid friendly but still grown up beautiful and making the guest room/guest bath ready for a lil Embley. Our plan is to have this all completed by August 2012.. so I will be updating you on our progress..Obviously some of these won't be happening immediately.. but we plan because we live on a budget and I am a smart, savy budget shopper!! Hope you enjoyed my crazy rant.. if you made it this far spike the coffee now ;) See ya soon!