Time..

I remember as a child when my grandpa died.. it was the first death I could comprehend and it crushed me. I cried and I wasn't sure what to do with my emotions. My mom comforted me and she said the words her mother told her "With Time This Too Shall Pass", basically she was stating that this hurt will pass and you will be ok. I remember my first love and breaking up- thought the world was going to end.. the words were spoke again. I hated those words..
But I am learning what those words mean as an adult.. with time everything passes. One year ago today I was celebrating in Katy our At Home Reception with our families and friends..seems like an eternity ago. 

Our wedding and reception were a blimp on the radar in the scheme of life..We didn't even know what the next year held for us.. the ups and downs of life.
On month ago at this very time I was sitting in an emergency room hearing from a Doctor that I was never pregnant and that all the pregnancy tests were false negatives. I was hurting physically and mentally..a pain one can't comprehend unless they have been there. One month ago my OB confirmed I had lost our second child to an early miscarriage.
Now Today I sit here and it feels like the memories of the ER are so far away.. not a blimp yet but distant.. yet the loss is still there. It will always be on our hearts. Whether you have a child living or not once you are pregnant you instantly become a mother and attached to that child.

Today I sit here knowing that my body is healing.. preparing for it's future journey- whether that be a child or not and I am hopeful. Hopeful much like I was on my wedding night on our journey of life together. Hopeful that the future holds beautiful things for us. Hopeful that Gods plan is one that we can endure.. because losing one pregnancy is hard, but losing two is damn right scary! Nate and I are both unsure if we can go thru another miscarriage (the emotional side is just so disheartening).. but we are hopeful.

Hopeful is the word .. hopeful our journey will be beautiful.. even if it means we have to endure the chaos to get to the sunshine...

So pray.. pray our journey ends in sunshine and beautiful things.. whether that be that we bear children or not.. I know God's plan is our plan..

It's amazing what a little time will do isn't it? This too shall pass.. in time..

Until than I'll be waiting..