Wednesday

What I have been doing.

 Well since the miscarriage.. I have been trying to keep busy. Busy helps me get on with life.. not that I don't hurt inside. I do.. but life goes on and everyone else forgets that you just lost a baby. You're the only one that really remembers what just happened.

We got back from our anniversary trip where Nate and I got awesome together and quiet time. But as soon as we got back on the grid we started getting emails, messages via fb and texts plus calls...people wanting to hang out and do stuff.. like I said Life Goes on and everyone else forgets (except you).  I have been selective on who I chose to confide my deepest thoughts in. Fortunately I have great girlfriends who have also been battling their own fertility issues this past year. It has been comforting to have them to listen to me and understand.


Upon getting home my HomeDepot knobs and handles were waiting. I ordered handles for the master bath to match my new glass knobs I found.The glass handles were only sold online and not in stores but I desperately needed them to complete the beautiful knobs I found for less than 3 bucks each for glass knobs!!
Here is the before.. just plain silver knobs nothing special.



And here is my great one of kind glass knobs that I found antiquing and my HomeDepot handles..
Here is a close up of the knobs




Aren't they just gorgeous???



And I wanted something fun for our guest bath that will eventually be used by our future kids and house guests (remember we have a 1/2 bath in the down stairs too..no one really uses the upstairs bath unless they are overniters) .. because it is spa/beach inspired I went with a silver seahorse.

Are those not fun.. I think of hardware on cabinets like jewelry- it doesn't have to be boring and classic and in the rules all the time. It should be fun and explain the room. I think the glass is very vintage and classic which is perfect for the master bath (and Nate prefers classic) but the sea horse handles are great for a relaxed guest bath also (and fun which I love). Hey they may not be to everyone's liking.. but I am not selling my house or am I looking for everyone's approval.. Life's short so why shouldn't your cabinet jewels be fun?!

On top of redoing the cabinet handles upstairs (which was under 25 bucks for all) I have been racking my brain on curtains for the 3rd bedroom. The third bedroom wasn't used really when we bought our house.. For three years it has held Nate's books for his business and the closet had the cat's liter boxes. Over Spring we moved the cat's liter boxes to the garage with the reminder of the books. Once the room was cleared out we put back the vintage dresser and rocker.. maybe eventually there will be a twin bed or crib. But until than I wanted to decorate the room to my liking. The bland blinds were just killing me.. it just felt so bare. I often go in there to escape the noise in the house to read, study and do my homework for my masters.  The walls are aqua now and the rocker has paisley with blue, brown, green and tan in it.. do you recall it?? Let me refresh your mind..


It looks a little different now because I added a little cabinet from home goods and moved in the PB look alike lamp. I'll post new pics after the curtains get in.

I wanted to get fabric for the drapes that wasn't so traditional since the dresser is vintage and the paisley is very traditional as well as the rocker. I started looking on etsy last night and found gorgeous chevron curtains.. but I didn't like any of the patterns and if the room will be a child's room eventually I wanted something that could transition as well as play off the pattern on the rocker. That is when I found these gorgeous Chevron Teal Drapes but they were $182.00 a panel. I than found the material on Rosen Berry Rooms with matching bedding- bedding is gorgeous but with floor to ceiling drapes I think it is a bit much for my taste and wallet. Of course for no sew drapes which I needed 10 yards I wasn't paying 34 bucks a yard. I than found the exact material on fabric.com and bought the remainder listed on the website for 8.98 a yard. I even scored free shipping. I should have plenty of fabric left over to make a couple of throw pillows. I need to make two panels for the window and I haven't decided on one or two panels for the opening in the closet.


I think the chevron incorporates the colors in the room already and it is so gender neutral. It can be incorporated into a nursery/child's room for a boy or girl and it is NOT just any chevron print that you see everywhere. I am so excited to get it and get started on my drapes.

Did you know about Annette Tatum.. I adore her Little House collection. I feel in love with her Crib Sheets for babies' rooms. Unfortunately I won't be ordering any soon.. But I found out my best friend Kourtney is 8 weeks pregnant and she is due the same week I would have been. I am thrilled for her because they have been trying for quite sometime.. but it breaks my heart that I miscarried and our babies would have been days apart.  On top of that my other bff Kristin is starting treatments to get preggo this month.. which means my closest gfs will both be preggo while I am still mourning my loss. 

I am super excited for both of them (really I am) since they also have had difficulties with having a child..and I know how much it pains the heart to want a baby and not have one. But at the same time, I am selfish and I can't help but think I would be due the same week as Kourtney and when she has her baby it will just remind me of my empty arms.. and now Kristin is most likely too.. which means even though we have no problem conceiving I can't seem to hold pregnancies and there is no guarantee this won't happen again. As much as I would love to be pregnant with my two best friends I have this feeling that even if I got pregnant soon I'd loss it again.. I know I am pessimistic.  I try to think about getting pregnant again and I think happy thoughts and than the bad thoughts of lossing another one creep into my head. I know the thoughts will always be there and Nate & I both agree we want to try again so I need to rid myself of negativity.. but it's hard.. it's hard when you have now lost two pregnancies.

In other news, Nate is on a golf trip this week so lots of home projects for me and studying for my big test next Wednesday!

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