So you are probably looking at this thinking.. hmm did I miss an announcement?? No you haven't. But since I am more comfortable talking about the joys and pains of my life, I felt this is a safe place for me to share. In October of this past year I lost a child. I was almost thru the first trimester and clearing into the second and I lost the baby. We weren't trying to get pregnant, we actually had plans to wait. I wanted to finish my Masters in Education and get thru my first year of teaching. Nate and I also wanted to travel more..save more.. enjoy life prior to kids. But even with out a planned pregnancy it didn't hurt any less when I lost that baby.
That day they told me I had misscarried it all changed in a blink of an eye. My heart hurt in ways I wasn't sure it had ever hurt before. My mind and heart started playing war against each other. Placing blame on myself and just wallowing in the loss I had just lost. I had a hard time seeing other babies, seeing pregnant women.. it was hard for a long time. I am happy to say I am much better now than a couple months ago.
So Nate and I soon decided after the loss, I would not take precautions anymore such as birth control and we would leave it in God's plan. Jump ahead 2 months to Christmas. I was majorly late (think 2 weeks late) and we started to think (get excited) that I might be pregnant again. But God had other plans and I am trusting in his plans that he knows when we will be blessed by a baby (whether it be naturally or adopted). I know God knows that I would love to be a mother and that he has plans for our family.
But accepting God's plan isn't as easy for me as it is for some. I had this huge loss and than each month I'd get my hopes up thinking maybe I am expecting, to be told by my body I am wrong again. So not everyday am I focused on it but there are little reminders all that time that dig at my heart, dig at that pain of my loss each time. I know if you have lost a baby you know exactly what I am referring to.
Nate & I have been slowly preparing our house for a baby. One because it is time consuming, but two because it involves planning and money. Due to the fact that we are both teachers that means our budget allows for big purchases to be spread out and planned for because it is not in our bank accounts to purchase it all at once. We are really trying to not put things on credit cards and pay off all debts before baby too. So we have planned and planned. I love planning..lol. Spring Break is right around the corner so we are cleaning the garage in preparation for the book shelves to come out of the 3rd bedroom. We plan on moving the kitties boxes and food out of the 3rd bedroom to the garage too. We are also planning on painting it since it is the only room in the house that hasn't seen paint yet. It will also be upgraded to a new fan/light fixture because fans are a must in Texas. As I said planning is my best friend. Nate & I have talked of all the changes that need to be made, alot of em involve things I couldn't do once I am expecting (paint, cat boxes, lifting), so we see it fit to be done over Spring Break when I can help. That way it isn't so many projects to be done once we are and relying just on Nate to do em.
Even with all those changes being made I sometimes feel like a baby won't happen. Though deep in my heart I know God has a plan, I feel as if I am not in control. If you didn't already know this about me I am kinda a control freak. With Nate around I can say truthfully this bad habit has calmed down a bit- but I am still a control freak. Guess what I am saying is we have to plan for a baby for $ reasons but I also wanted to feel as if I am in control.
The process for planning for a baby started when I lost the baby. I thank decided I was going to pro baby and get our lives in order for one. Slowly Nate & I have been doing this. I get free books online thru Scholastic and I have started collecting them for the baby. Kind of like a hope chest. My gf did a hope chest full of baby items for her little one. So I felt saving books is educational but also helps me realize that one day I will have a little one. Than it moved on to budgeting for furniture for the baby's room.
We needed a dresser for the nursery and Nate wanted it all wood. So in comes our antique dresser. I want the nursery to be all white. Nate hates painting wood.. but I want it white...lol. So he gives in and we have Simple Matters paint the dresser. The finished product will look very similar to the picture above but with out the glass knobs. I love the glass knobs but I am not sure they will work for a boy. The dresser is currently with Jannet at Simple Matters and is waiting to be painted. I can't wait to see it. So we have the dresser.. next big item to be purchased would be a crib. But we are on a budget and I have had my eye on one that wasn't.
I love Jenny Lind Cribs and since we chose the antique dresser I felt it would be a perfect tribute to the room and to Nate & I. Jenny Lind Cribs were big time popular when we were little. I had one as a baby but in walnut color. So I have sat and drouled over Jenny Lind cribs in nurseries all over blog land. Check our Holly Mathis Interiors to see a beautiful baby boy nursery. Her website is http://www.hollymathisinteriors.com/.
I started looking online and couldn't find one that was in our budget. I thought about waiting to purchase one used but with all the recalls I decided I would purchase one new and be safe. If we were going to have to go thru lossing a baby and trying for another I wanted to make smart choices in what we chose for our future child..especially for safety of things.
Well I ran across Jenny Lind Line at Land of Nod. You can find this beautiful Jenny Lind inspired crib here: http://www.landofnod.com/cribs/baby/time-to-turn-in-crib/f7006 . But with the hefty $600 price tag and it doesn't convert I couldn't rationalize spending that much on a crib to be used for a year. Plus it has a ton of feminine details and we aren't sure we are having a girl so I wanted it to be a girl or boys crib. Back to the drawing board to find an original inspired Jenny Lind Crib. I searched tons of websites- some had them with drop downs- NOPE, some had em not in our price range and some had them but were out of stock.
Finally, I found one! This weekend it was 25% off and there was free shipping. I recieved the email between Friday and Saturday morning. DONE!! I couldn't resist free shipping and a sale. Plus with the sale and shipping the crib was now under 200 bucks (which means it is definately in budget)!! Hello the sale gods were telling me to order it. On top of all that goodness it is a 3in1 crib so converts to toodler and day bed. Horray!!
At first I thought kinda crazy to buy a crib before I am even preggo. But than I thought about people who have saved their own cribs for their future kids (wish my mom had my crib still), people who start buying stuff before hand, or getting stuff passed down from others and I felt it was justified right? In the end I don't feel guilty. We already have a closet full of baby items from friends just waiting for our baby. How is it any different than a crib. I feel like I am making a responsible planned descion towards our family's lives togeather. Especially since it was in our budget and I paid with cash!
I ordered the crib knowing it was in budget but that Nate was going to say your crazy! So I told him after I ordered it that I ordered the crib. It was on sale with free shipping. Suprisingly he was like 'oh great we'll be ready for a baby!' I was shocked. I think after recieveing all the baby items from friends he is really ready too now that it is more of a reality with baby items in the house and not just in our imagination. He did mention that planning the bedding, paint, rug, curtains will be do much fun for me he is worried I might obsess a little once we know we are preggo and what it is..lol. Which he is right. I will prolly sit and plan our nursery for hours once I know we are preggo and what we are having. He knows me so well.
The crib is on back order now because I guess it is such a classic popular crib. I won't be expecting it at the house till May. Hopefully in May I will recieve the crib and be able to announce that there is a baby soon to sleep in it. Like my Mom says she is just as excited too but we have to Trust God and Pray.
Like the title reads- Go Ahead, Pass your Judgement Now.. I am okay with you judging me for preparing a nursery before I have the baby..I've been judged for worse things. Like I said my heart is ready and I know God knows when the time will be right.. until than we'll wait with our beautiful crib :). So judge away- life has given me plenty of lemons already and I am choosing to make awesome pink lemonade with em. Happy Monday to all!