What we pray for..

One of my bestest friends in the whole wide world just started her own blog of her adorable family of four. Upon seeing she had a blog I had to share mine! Well once I did she started reading mine and it made me go back and reflect..

It's amazing that words can have such power because I was reading some of the entries from over a year ago and it brought me to tears. Life is not without battles yet so many people still like to pretend its all butterflies and daisies. As I read my entries I feel the pain and happiness of my past and I know Gods plan was not mine but his. I know I needed to feel so I could feel now.

I'm laying in bed today sick.. Not physically ill from illness just this wonderful thing called pregnancy. Was up all night sick.. Let my tone not inflict that I'm ungrateful. I am so not. I've prayed so feverishly for a child it still brings me to tears. Because not long ago if you asked me if I knew I'd be a mother I'd say yes of course but that little voice in my head was so fearful. And yet daily I'm still fearful.. Fearful this is a dream and ill wake up. Fearful something dreaded will happen to this child I love so deeply already. I pray daily still thanking god for my child and praying of health for he or she. I pray because that's the only handle on this fear. As much as I'd like to not be sick and have a glowing pregnancy I remind myself this is God answering your prayers. Stop being selfish and carry on!

And my friend the one who I mentioned above, she has had her own share of life which is her story to tell but she kindly reminds me when I'm feeling so physically weak today that this is a miracle! And miracles don't cease without sacrifice right?! Or is that just pregnancy?
She reminds me to be thankful and to power on.

Gods amazing.. He brings us these people who really help us through. He has blessed my family with so much I can't comprehend right now.

So as sick as I am I will rejoice! Baby bean we've waited for you for so long and I can't wait to meet you. I've prayed for you and I will continue to. So keep on growing.. Keep on letting me know you're there!



Week 9 I've been off of work sue to Christmas break and almost going stir crazy being in the house. Still on light duty and feeling bad I didn't do much. To top it off I got food poisoning that did me in! I was very worried about the baby and hoping it all went ok at the Jan 2 appointment. We lost our first baby in the first trimester because he or she stopped growing so I was very worried about similar news!

How far along? 10 weeks 5 days
Total weight gain/loss? No weight gain actually lost 5 lbs from food poisoning in week 9!
Maternity clothes? Not yet ordered some online since my work pants are snug and uncomfortable
Stretch marks? None, thank goodness.
Sleep? Prior to this week I was in bed by 7:30 each night but being off and taking it easy has resulted in a messed up schedule!
Best moment last week? Seeing Baby kick his or her legs on the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat! Makes me cry every time!
Movement? Too early
Food cravings? None it's food aversions
Gender? Don't know
Labor signs? None, and let's keep it that way!
Belly button in/out? In.
What I miss: Being useful. I want walk the dog, clean and be up and about.
What I am looking forward to: my next ob appointment at twelve weeks!
Milestones: Dr said since bleed is gone I am able to resume activity slowly and cautiously no exercise or lifting!!!
Attached are two ultrasound pics one with the heartbeat at 180. Baby is measuring large!! Healthy even though mama is sick!


Week 7-8

Rewind back to week 7... Well on week 7 we went in for an ultrasound to check on our little bean and heard the heart rate and saw he or she. The doctor was happy with the progress we were making and the bleed had slowed. The ultrasound machine at the doctor office (which I am thankful for) isn't the best quality pic. When we were at the ER we were able to see so much more and clearer. I am hoping in the coming weeks with baby growing we will be able to see more clearly.

Week 8 the bleed had stopped and I was starting to feel more optimistic about this. The bleed really scared me with our history. So here are the first preggo pics and the week 8 ultrasound. Surprisingly, I haven't gained weight it is just readjusting. I was very bloated this week.

Fortunately, I haven't had any horrible morning sickness since week 8 just the whole hangover sensation that lasts all day.  I am tired alot and have alot of food aversions. But otherwise I am starting to feel almost normal again. Which is kinda frightening to me. I would almost prefer the preggo feelings so I know I am still preggo. Still on light duty so lots of reading is happening. I go back to the Dr Jan 2 which I am so anxious to do because I want to make sure the lil bean is ok!! I am officially 10 weeks right now.. almost over the first trimester!! I can still fit in my normal clothes but they are snug and uncomfortable so on break right now I am sticking to comfortable baggy yoga pants.