This new world

I think many of you know the trials and tribulations Nate & I had to go thru to get to this pregnancy. It wasn't an easy journey and some of that journey has been journaled on this blog. We've had no issues getting preggo, its always holding the baby. So at the start we we were super cautious. When we started spotting first trimester we took all precautions. But once I hit that 2nd trimester, I started to feel good. We started planning for our Piper's birth. We hired a doula for natural birth in the hospital. We were expecting a full term child.

Now who's to say we won't still but it will only be by the grace of god if she stays put by may. These wonderful dr are trying to prepare us for the worst & best case scenario. We've been given a mass of information in regards to Nicu and caring for a micro preemie. It's daunting. To think I will be here for at least the duration of the pregnancy and than more months to care for my child. It's scary as hell! We dint know what specific health problems she could in counter once she is here but there are sooooo many risks with a preemie. No one expects this... And part of me hurts becuz I know so many who are having healthy pregnancies and babies. I'm jealous and I try to rationalize that I shouldn't be. But letting go of our original plan and thoughts it hurts.

This wasn't our plan.. And I love planning! But we are accepting that God chose this for this journey. We were chosen by The Lord before we even knew of Piper to be her parents. So we are relying heavy on god in this time.

Each day is faced with uncertainty. Each day move towards the goal of our child. But with each day it weighs so heavily what may come to a child we just expected would be perfect. Which in our eyes she still is!! The is nothing wrong with her, it's the immentiant danger of being so early.

So please pray that Piper has a chance at a healthy life, that my body may continue to be her growing ground for as long as possible, and that I continue to stay healthy.

I'm leaning on Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall. He knows my concerns and he cares.


  1. Hey sweetie ~ your thoughts and feelings are SO normal. I know that doesn't make it easier, but maybe it helps to know that other women who have experienced similar challenges felt the same way, asked the same questions and wondered the same things. Hugs. Praying often.

  2. Cheri sent me to your blog. Praying for you and your sweet baby.