To Follow you must learn that God should go first

Today was the day that I took my mom to the Dr for her procedure and Nate went in to find out what the mass in his ear was. I have been stressing, losing sleep, graying my hair with worry and praying to GOD!  Luckily God knew exactly what that Dr was going to tell Nate and he was trying to teach me to trust in him and follow him (God not Nate)- instead of leading a life in which I am always in control!  DaySpring is a Christian company that sells cards and gifts and they have a stepping stone that says "Dear Child, It is not following unless you let me go first. Love, God" This statement sums up the last couple months of my life.  Because of what has happened in my life- serious of events really (being abused as a child, losing a father, losing my grandma & aunt to cancer, my mom fighting her battle with cancer, seeing a child die before me, having a miscarriage) I have had some trust issues with God. I am not looking for pity here.. I have just been handed my share of battles in my life and thru them I have had a love/hate relationship with God.  I like to be in control. I admit this but I also like to try to be a good Christian yet when you are at your darkest moments it is sometimes hard to see the light. So trying to be a good christian I pray to God, I tell him my worries and I try to trust him.. but yet I am still leading instead of following. I am learning God is hinting to me in his own ways that I need to follow and trust. Yet learning to follow is a more difficult task when it comes to something as big as giving your life to something that sometimes has lead you in your worst moments and you still can't understand. Learning, trusting and following isn't something that happens overnight..I am a work in progress..yet  I am striving so hard to work on this. It takes two people to make a relationship work and really I have been expecting God to do all the work with out every really giving my trust and thanks to him.

So I hope that I may learn to fully trust  in him and be his Child that learns to follow, trust and adore him even in my darkest moments because Today has shown he knows us inside and out and he will lead us. With that said, Nate learned today that he has a bone that is growing out of his eardrum. Supposedly, he was probably born with it and it was never noticed or it has enlarged recently. They are going to monitor it and remove it if it enlarges anymore. I am so overly joyed that it is not cancer and I don't have to have another person close to me fight that battle. I want to cry literally I am sooo happy.

My mom is ok. She reacted a little weird to the chemicals but overall she is good! Looks like a strawberry she is red. But well..

God Bless Our Family!

Thank the Lord for protecting my family.. God listens, answers and loves us.. I just need to remember that. Have a good evening.

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